Dear Motorola

Dear Motorola:

Recently, my wife and I dropped our T-Mobile account in favor of Sprint. Not that we were greatly enamored of Sprint, and not that I was dissatisfied with my T-Mobile BlackBerry, but because T-Mobile was giving us a hard time about adding phones for our two grown sons and one son's girlfriend to our account.

So, I chose a Motorola Q for my phone, so that I could send and receive text messages and e-mails, and have lived to regret it.

I was unable to use the e-mail function. I set up a special account for the phone and confirmed via our desktop computer that it was functional. I set up service on the phone, and could compose messages. But I couldn't send messages from the phone on that account.

Your web site contains some pretty advertising, but doesn't offer much in the way of help, although I did eventually find a phone number tucked away in a corner.

A tech support person was able to walk me through the procedure, and I found that there was nothing wrong with my phone or with Sprint's connection -- it was merely that the Q's e-mail system is needlessly complicated in a bizarre and counter-intuitive fashion, involving the use of an entirely separate menu simply to send an e-mail after it is composed.

I am grateful to the technician who patiently explained the ludicrous Q e-mail system, even though he was not very familiar with it himself, but I am appalled that Motorola would design a machine that is so user-hostile and cumbersome.

At my earliest opportunity, I will be ditching my Q, and it will be a long time before I ever consider buying a Motorola product again. Also, I will be sharing my experiences with anyone who will listen.

//The Magic Eight-Ball says, "You might even blog about it."\\

Expat Airways

Dear People of Iraq:

Just in case you had some doubts about what the U.S. occupation authorities think of you, let us introduce you to Expat Airways.

We'll be happy to tell you about it, which is a good thing, since you won't be experiencing it for yourselves.

That's right: we're going to Jim Crow you in your own country.

//The Magic Eight-Ball says, "Any questions?"\\

Can We Make Small Cars Safer?

If you think about the amount of oil consumed by private automobiles, one of the first ideas that comes to mind is building smaller cars.

If you think about building smaller cars, one of the first things you think of is what happens when your small, lightweight car is blindsided by an F-350 or an H2.

If you think (out loud) about ways of reducing the danger to people riding in small cars, one of the first things you'll hear (also one of the second things, and third things...) is "You can't repeal the laws of physics", meaning that a small vehicle colliding with a large one will always suffer more for it. As Sancho Panza says, "Whether the stone hits the pitcher, or the pitcher hits the stone, it's going to be bad for the pitcher".

True, you can't repeal the laws of physics. But you can always change the traffic laws.

Suppose we simply posted separate speed limits for vehicles under and over 3,000 pounds? 35 mph, 20 mph. 25 mph, 15 mph. And so on.

If that law were rigorously enforced, deaths of people in small vehicles would drop, I guarantee it. Not only would drivers of humungamobiles be burdened with less kinetic energy, but many of them would discover that they didn't really need to drive the Explorer to the office after all.

Is there a downside to this that I'm missing?

//The Magic Eight-Ball says, "What is the measure of a man(hood)?"\\

No Big Surprise

I ran into Dick Cheney in the men's room at Jaleo the other day and asked him if it were true that he was regularly violating the laws of quantum physics. He just gave me that weird half-paralyzed sneer and snarled, "Yeah. And what are you gonna do about it?"

God, I hate that laugh of his. I don't know how they edit it out of his speeches on TV, but I'm glad they do.

//The Magic Eight-ball says, "Well?"\\